Viterbo, August 10th 2025
Hello Friend,
Look! This is my notepad from 46 years ago that I was telling you about. I’m as excited to show it to you today, as I would have been when I was nine! 😊
I took it to the lake the other day, and wrote the first draft of today’s letter to you on it.
If you look back to your age nine, does that feel like it was a very long time ago? Or not at all? Can you still relate to little You? To how you thought and felt back then? Does it feel like that was a 100% you already, or do you struggle to recognise yourself in that kid?
Identity is one of the biggest topics I get to tackle in my work. Who we are is often one of our biggest concerns.
Who am I?
Who do people think I am?
Are people happy with who I am?
Am I happy with who I am?
Who do I want to be?
Should I change?
Could I change?
What will happen if I change?
What will happen if I don’t change?
Is this the real me?
Am I good? Am I bad?
Am I worthy?
Am I someone?
And then when asked who we are, we often say things like I’m John’s wife, I’m a baker, I’m a father of three, I’m the headmaster of St. Hyacinth’s School For Violet-Eyed Girls, I’m a duke, I’m a neurodivergent cyber security expert…
True and verifiable as all of the above may be, they still don’t say a lot about us. They only function like anchors, they place us somewhere in this vast reality.
But this kind of “identity” can change anytime. Maybe next time we meet you’ll tell me that you divorced John and are now living happily with Samantha. Or that you have renounced your title of duke, and are now running a charity.
I’m not making either of these up by the way, real people with real identity changes here!
And even if nothing will ever change the fact that you’re a father of three, there’s way more than that, to who you are!
Our identity is a — very useful! — product of our ego mind. It has lots of practical purposes and it’s a great way of navigating this physical world. It can be painful, it can be great fun, it can be anything we want.
We can change our name, profession, relationship status, physical appearance, religion, political views, sexual orientation, dietary preferences, nationality, even gender nowadays.
So if I have already changed my identity a few times, if I can be whoever and whatever I want, does a real me exist in the first place?
This is a very serious question that comes up a lot, in relation to life purpose. Which one is my real life purpose if I can be and do all these different things?
Your life purpose is the same as everyone else’s: to live this life to the fullest, to expand your awareness, to bring your unique and much-needed gifts to the world, and to experience as much joy as possible in the process!
Your life purpose is not a particular profession or direction. It is to live in a way that feels natural to you, that feels joyful, that makes you want to jump out of bed in the morning. And when you let this idea be your guidance, you then happen to find things to do, including professions, activities, people, places, all sorts of things that make you feel that life is precious and so worth living.
For most of us, there are probably quite a few different ways we could live, that would all make us really happy. And quite a few different identities that would fit our life purpose perfectly.
The most reliable path to a joyful life, is to create an identity that is aligned with at least one or two of your biggest values, your so-called core values.
Could you name your core values off the top of your head?
Think of them as the quintessential, fundamental, elements of what makes you feel at peace with yourself and in love with the world.
Here are a few examples of possible core values just to get you going, yours might not even be listed here:
🔸Accountability 🔸Courage 🔸Harmony 🔸Passion 🔸Adaptability 🔸Creativity 🔸Health 🔸Patience 🔸Altruism 🔸Decisiveness 🔸Honesty 🔸Persistence 🔸Assertiveness 🔸Dependability 🔸Honour 🔸Playfulness 🔸Awareness 🔸Discipline 🔸Hope 🔸Purpose 🔸Balance 🔸Drive 🔸Humility 🔸Realism 🔸Boldness 🔸Efficiency 🔸Humour 🔸Respect 🔸Calmness 🔸Empathy 🔸Individuality 🔸Responsibility 🔸Candour 🔸Enthusiasm 🔸Inspiration 🔸Security 🔸Charity 🔸Equality 🔸Intelligence 🔸Self-reliance 🔸Common sense 🔸Fairness 🔸Justice 🔸Selflessness 🔸Compassion 🔸Fidelity 🔸Kindness 🔸Service 🔸Confidence 🔸Freedom 🔸Logic 🔸Tolerance 🔸Connection 🔸Fun 🔸Love 🔸Transparency 🔸Consistency 🔸Generosity 🔸Loyalty 🔸Trustworthiness 🔸Conviction 🔸Gratitude 🔸Openness 🔸Understanding 🔸Cooperation 🔸Happiness 🔸Optimism 🔸Unity….
This can be of help when assessing how aligned your current or main identity (your ego mind) feels with what your soul wants you to experience in this life. Our core values are like our basic blueprint. If we’re living a happy life, we’re in sync with it, if we’re living an unhappy life, we’re not.
I’ll take it a bit deeper next week, I hope this was good food for thought and for feeling, so far ❤️
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